Your Man in Japan

Two videos on this:

My reenactment.

The script:

JISAKUJIEN 自作自演: literally, self produced, self acted, a charade

高嶋政伸 Takashima, Masanobu: T

美元/みをん Mion: M

T: バカ女が。Baka onna ga . Stupid woman!

T: 死んじま   え、てめえなんか。Shinjimae , temee nan ka. Die! You!
M: それに不満なんかないよ。Sore ni fuman nan ka naiyo. And I never said I was not satisfied.
T: だから死んじまえ早く。Dakara shinjimae hayaku. I thought I told you to go and die already.

T : てめえなんか生きてる価値もねえ本当に。Temee, nanka ikiteru kachi mo nee hontō ni. You really have no reason to live!
T: そういう人のね、やさしさとかそんなもんも、全部全部すっとばしてだな。自分のやりたいように全部やろうなんて、な!　馬鹿がやることだよ、本当に。
はき違える事だよ。Sōiu hito no ne, yasashisa toka sonnamon mo, zenbu, zenbu suttobashite da na. Jibun no yaritai yōni zenbu yarou nante, na! Baka ga yarukoto dayo, hontō ni. Hakichigaeru koto dayo. A person like that (you), ignores kindness and does whatever they want. Right? That’s what an idiot does. You’ve got the wrong idea.
M :私はちゃんと結婚生活を続けるために、自分の貯金つかってきたよ。Watashi wa chanto kekkon seikatsu o tsuzukeru tame ni, jibun no chokin tsukattekitayo. In order to have a good married life I used up all my savings.
T :結婚生活続けたくねえんだよ、もう、何度も言ってるように。頼むよ、本当に。Kekkon seikatsu tsuzuketaku neen dayo, mō, nandomo itteru yōni. Tanomu yo , hontōni. I do not want to continue a married life. How many times do I have to tell you. I’m begging you! Seriously!

M: 私「死んじまえ」って言われるようなことやったかな？ Watashi “shinjimae” tte iwareru yōna koto yatta kana? Did I do anything that deserves to be told to “go die?”

T: 知らないね。Shiranaine. I don’t know.
M: 私の親の前で同じこと言える？Watashi no oya nomae de onaji koto ieru? Can you say the same thing in front of my parents?
T: 売り言葉に買い言葉って言葉がありますからね。Urikotoba ni kaikotoba tte koto ga arimasu kara ne. You started it so I’m just giving you tit for tat.
T :男はみんな一回くらい言ってるよ。てめえなんか死んじまえって。まぁさ、もう寝かして。みをんなんかに関わってもしょうがないから。 Otoko wa minna ikkai kurai itteruyo. Temee nanka shinjimae tte. Maa sa, mō nekashite. All men say that once. Go and die! Fine, now let me sleep. Mion nanka ni

kwattemo shouganaikara.

M: いいかげんにしさないよ。言って良い事と悪いことがあるんだよ。Iikagen ni shinasaiyo. Itte iikoto to waruikoto ga arun dayo. Stop acting like that. There are certain things you can say and certain things you cannot say.
T: ちょつと待て。おいブス。おい待てブス。Chotto mate. Oi, Busu! Oi, mate busu! Just a minute, now! Hey, Ugly! Hey, wait, ugly!
M: (女が叫ぶ音。Onna ga sakebu oto. The sound of a woman yelling.)
M: 女に手を挙げる男がいる？Onna ni te o ageru otoko ga iru? What kind of man would raise a hand to hit a woman?

T: おめえが最初に手を挙げたんだろ。こら! Omee ga saisho ni te o agetan daro. Kora! You hit me first.

T: やってみろ、こら。たたいてみろYatte miro, kora. Tataite miro. Go for it! Try and hit me!
M: 自分の奥さんに「死んじまえ」って言う男がいる？Jibun no okusan ni “shinjimae” tte iu otoko ga iru? What kind of man would tell his own wife to die?

T: たたいてみろ。てめえが先に手たたいたんだろうがよ。こうやってよ。Tataite miro . Temee ga saki ni te tataitan darou gayo . Kōyatte yo. Try and hit me! You hit me first so… like this.

T: 〜当たり前だろうがこら。あ～。なんじゃこら。〜 atarimae darou ga kora. Aaa? Nanja kora. Of course/It’s only natural that (inaudible). Right? WTF is this?

T: だんなに対して何してんだ、このやろう。 Danna ni taishite nani shiten da, kono yarou. WTF are you doing to your husband? You!
M: 奥さんに対して「死んじまえ」って言う男がいる？Okusan ni taishite “shinjimae” tte iu otoko ga iru?  What kind of many would tell his wife to die?

T: じゃ、叩いたんだろうがよ。おい。叩いたんだろうがよ。このやろう。あざがこら、あざが。Ja, tataitan darou ga yo. Oi. Tataitan darou ga yo. Kono yarou . Aza ga kora, aza ga.

M: 痛い。～男がいる？ itai . ～ otoko ga iru? Ouch! What kind of many would…(can’t hear)
T: てめえが先に叩いたんだろうが。叩いてみろ。叩いてみろ、このやろ。ふざけんなこのやろ。おれはあさって芝居やらなきゃいけないんだ。このやろ。ふざけんなこのやろ。Temee ga saki ni tataitan darou ga. Tataite miro. Tataite miro, kono yaro. Fuzakenna kono yaro. Ore wa asatte shibai yaranakya ikenain da. Kono yaro. Fuzakenna kono yaro. You hit me first. Try and hit me. Try and hit me, you bitch. Don’t fuck with me, you bitch. I have to do a play the day after tomorrow. Don’t fuck with me, you!
M: きゃー、やめてよもう。Kyā, yamete yo mou. Ow! Stop it already!
T: ふざけんなこのやろ。叩きやがってこのやろ。 Fuzakenna kono yaro. Tatakiyagatte kono yaro
M: 痛い。叩く事ないでしょ Ow! You don’t have to hit me.
T: ふざけんな。Fuzakenna. Bullshit!

M: どうやって自分の身を守ったらいいのよ。Dō yatte jibun no mi o mamottara ii noyo. How should I protect my body?
T: てめえが叩くからたたいてんだよ。俺が叩いてんじゃない、てめえが叩くから叩いてんだよ。てめえが全部先にやってんだよ。Temee ga tataku kara tataiten dayo. Ore ga tataiten janai, temee ga tataku kara tatai ten dayo. Temee ga zenbu saki ni yatten dayo. You hit me so I hit. I didn’t hit. You hit so I hit. You started it all.
M: 痛い。Itai. Ow.
T: ばかが。Bakada. Stupid.
M: どうやって自分の身を守ったらいいの。Dō yatte jibun no mi o mamottara ii. How can I protect myself?
T: 知るかこのやろ。Shiruka konoyaro. How the hell should I know?
T: てめえが叩いたんだよ。この商売道具の顔をよ。Temee ga tataitan dayo. Kono shōbai dōgu no kao o yo. You hit ME! This tool of my trade that is my face.

T: 商売道具の顔を叩いたんだよ。このやろ！Shōbai dōgu no kao o tataitan dayo. Kono yaro! = You mit my money maker (face).

T: ふざけやがって。Fuzake yagatte. = Don’t give me shit.
M: 痛い、痛い。Itai, itai. It hurts.
T: 出て行け、このやろ。Deteike, konoyaro. Get out.
M: 痛いやめて。Itai yamete. That hurts, stop it.
T: 出て行けこのやろー、出て行け、出て行け。 Deteike konoyaroo,　deteike, deteike. Get out, you bitch. Get out, get out.
T: ここで寝ろ（？）Koko de nero. You sleep here.
M: やめて。痛い。Yamete. Itai. Stop that, it hurts.
M: やめてよ。Yameteyo. I said stop it.
T: おまえ叩くの最終だぞ。Omae tataku no saishū da zo. Hitting is the last option.

T: 死んじまえって。Shinjimae tte. Go die.
T: 俳優なんだぞ、このやろー。Haiyū nan da zo , kono yaro. I’m an actor, you bitch.
T: 死んじまえって。Shinjimae tte. Go die.
T: ふざけんなこのやろー。Fuzakenna kono yaro. Stop fucking with me, you!

M: 痛い。Itai. Ouch!
M: あたしあなたの足りない生活料、自分の身体で働いてきたんだよ。Atashi anata no tarinai seikatsuryou, jibun no karada de hataraitekitan dayo. I worked harder for my living expenses. (Literal meaning: I (inaudible) used my body to earn living expenses.)
T: 何いってるんだ、このやろ。Nani itterunda, kono yaro. WTF are you talking about, bitch.
M: 本当でしょう。お金一年間くれなかったのは本当でしょ。Hontōni deshō。 Okane ichi nenkan kurenakatta no wa hontō desho. Isn’t it true that you haven’t given me any money this past year?

T: だから料金だせって、てめえが出さないから。Dakara ryōkin dasette, temee ga dasanai kara. So I told you to give me the bill, but you didn’t give it to me.
M: 出してるでしょ。Dashiteurdesho. I gave it ($) to you, right?
T: 馬鹿が。死ね。このやろ。Bakaga. Shine. Konoyaro. Idiot. Die. Bitch.
M: 言ったってしんじなかったでしょ。Ittatte shinjinakattadesho. I told you but you didn’t believe me.
T: だから死ね。Dakara shine. So die, already.

T: あ～、いて。これはれたらどうすんだよ、てめーこのやろー。Aa, ite. Kore haretara dousundayo, temee konoyaroo. Ah, ow! What’ll I do if this swells up?

M: お酒のんでむくむのと変わんないじゃない。Osake nonde mukumu no to kawannai janai. When you drink, the swelling looks the same.
T: 何百万人が見てんと思ってんのか、このやろ。おれの番組を。Nanbyakuman nin ga miten to omotten noka, konoyaro. Ore no bangumi o. You know many 100s of thousands of people watch my show/
M: 毎日毎日お酒飲んでさ。Mainichi mainichi o sake nonde sa. You drink every single day.

T: 毎日お酒なんか飲んでねえだろ、このやろ。Mainichi o sake nanka nondenee daro, kono yaro. What are you talking about!? I don’t drink everyday!
M: 飲んでない飲んでないと思い込んでるの自分だけじゃない。Non de nai non de nai to omoikon deru no jibun dake ja nai. You’re the only one who thinks you are not drinking.
T: なんだこのやろ、飲んでねえだろ、このやろーが。ふざけんなこのやろ。Nan da kono yaro , nondenee daro , kono yaro ga. Fuzakenna kono yaro. What are you talking about you bitch? I haven’t been drinking. You! Quit bullshitting.
T: あー、いて。あーいて。おまえふざけんなよ。これでおまえ顔が、顔がおまえふくれたらてめえ告訴するからな。このやろ。あーいて。あーいて。Ā, ite . ā ite. Omae fuzakennayo . Kore de omae kao ga, kao ga omae fukuretara temee kokuso suru kara na. Kono yaro. Aa ite. Aa ite. Ow! Ow! Quit fucking with me! If my face swells up because of this, I’m going to sue you! Ow! Ow!